I knew having a VBAC would help heal me, but I didn't know just how much and how instantaneous it would be.
I know it has everything to do with the environment I was in. Deciding on a home birth was probably the best thing I could have done for myself. Nobody was forced to "let" me try for a VBAC. Joey just said that I could do it, no problem. And that was basically it. So I didn't have anyone being negative or annoyed with me.
I know I wouldn't have gotten a VBAC in the hospital. My labor was too long and my pushing lasted longer than the allotted hospital time. Midwives allow you to have a custom experience. A personal experience. And midwives understand that every labor and birth is different and that it is a natural process, not a sickness that needs to be treated.
I had no idea that once Ellie was out and placed on my belly that I would already feel so different. So healed. And that all of my past anger and feelings of being robbed of my birth experience would be gone.
I talked to a lot of people (A LOT of people) before I had Ellie. For years. I knew what I wanted and I was going to do anything I could to make it happen. I never would have thought 3 years ago that I would have had a home birth! That just "wasn't me". Well, it totally is now! And it always will be! :)
One of the women I talked to told me that after her first VBAC she felt healed. And when there were other women around talking about their birth horror stories that she didn't feel she had to share hers anymore. And I really feel like that. I just feel so grateful and so happy. And so healed.
And now I know that I want to help other women out. Women who feel how I once felt. Because I want them to feel how I feel now.