Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Aina Photography--Your Moments, Your Memories...

I am starting a photography business. I've talked about it, FINALLY chose a name, and now I am going to start! :)

I am currently working on my website and expanding my portfolio (right now I just have 2 kids in it--Izzy and Abby). I am going to concentrate on Maternity and Babies/Kids, but will also do Families!

Anyways, more details and a website to come! :) For now, you know the name and here are a few logos I have come up with... I want to keep it simple so I can easily change the colors and rearrange things.


Who knows... I may change it again! :)

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday, September 11, 2009

Help with a name

I'm thinking about (ok, really I really want to!) starting a little photography business and have been thinking about names. I think I have it narrowed down to 2. Opinions are welcome!

-Through the Lens
-Moments 2 Memories/Moments to Memories

Once I decide I will make some kind of logo on Photoshop. I've started working on both, but want to decide on one name so I can devote my time to just 1 name! :)

Friday, August 28, 2009

THANKFUL THURSDAY

Whoops... late AGAIN! Maybe I will start something else after this week... Anyways, here is what I'm thankful for this week:

-We got approved for a Southwest credit card (now we can pay off the stupid apartment in PA that we haven't lived in since March!)

-My shower time... time alone, just me, and a much needed break!

-Abby's bottom molars finally poked through!!! teeth 9 and 10!!!

Friday, August 21, 2009

THANKFUL THURSDAY

A day late...

-We don't have to pay our medical debt! Now in turn, it is because we are really poor right now, but still a good thing huh?!

-Our family walks/rides--we take Abby out after dinner every night and either go for a walk, bike ride, or even just play in the yard.

-Abby's snack cabinet--she loves to play in there and it keeps her busy when I'm trying to do something.

Monday, August 17, 2009

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I totally forgot and am late on this, but last week I was thankful for:

-Abby getting much better with food--and less picky too!

-We got a paycheck!!!

-Swimming pools--they feel so yummy, they are fun, pass the time when you are having a long day, and you always feel refreshed when you get out! :)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

THANKFUL THURSDAY

-Tony got a job!

-Nap Time

-Baby laughs and giggles :)

Thursday, July 30, 2009

THANKFUL THURSDAY

Ok... so I knew this would keep me updating the blog! :) What am I thankful for this week?

-Chocolate

-Abby's back to normal sleeping pattern--going to bed between 8 and 9 and only waking once, if that, in the middle of the night! :) I don't mind her waking once at all.

-Being able to get our stuff out of storage in PA and bring them down to MD! :)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

THANKFUL THURSDAY

Ok, I'm starting something new on this blog since I usually don't have too much to post--I usually just post on our FAMILY BLOG (especially about Abby!)

Anyways I thought this might be fun to do. Plus, it will keep me posting on this blog at least once a week! :) I call it Thankful Thursday, 'nuff said! :)

What am I thankful for today?

-My parents: for letting me, Tony and Abby move in with them until we can get back on our feet.
-Abby's cute face: some things wouldn't be as easy as they are if she wasn't so darn cute! ;)
-Dishwashers: they make washing dishes a breeze! AND Abby LOVES to play in the dishwasher... so I can load/unload the dishwasher and she will just play!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Note to Self

Black Shirt + Snotty baby = a black shirt with snot trails all over it...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Not so bitter anymore

An update: we've moved and the hospitals allow VBACs here. They are actually encouraged... who'da thunk?!?! :)

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Boobs on the Beach

So what is acceptable?!

Tony and I went down to the beach on the lake this weekend and it was very crowded (given the holiday and everything). We happened to walk by a woman breastfeeding her baby out in the open. Boob out and all. Baby was latched on so she wasn't exposing EVERYTHING, plus she wasn't right where everyone was. We only walked past her because we wanted to get away from all the drunk people acting like idiots... Is there anything wrong with her doing that out in the open? I don't think so, at all. Tony was kinda disgusted, but it may have been just because it was this certain woman who probably shouldn't have been wearing what she was. A whole different topic! ;)

So, I started to think... why are people disgusted to see women nursing, but are ok with girls wearing skanky clothes? At least nursing is natural and what humans are made to do. Yeah, we don't need to flaunt ourselves around topless everywhere, but how is it disgusting when you see a child latched on to it's mother and it isn't disgusting when a girl is barely covered in her swimsuit dancing and prancing around being a drunk idiot trying to get attention from guys? I, personally, am disgusted by that. I know part of it is how I believe in modesty and how I was brought up, but I don't see why people don't get disgusted when girls wear really revealing clothes and then get upset when a drunk guy tries to do something to them. DUH! You are asking for it!

I dunno, I could go off on many tangents here, but I don't find anything wrong with a woman nursing in public uncovered. And besides it being the natural human thing to do, I live in a REALLY HOT part of Arizona where it is over 100 all this week. I think that is a little hot to be covering a baby up to nurse. And two, I can't even cover Abby to nurse her; she won't nurse if I cover her up.

So here is a nice quote I have found that I completely agree with, "Anyone offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard."

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Our "Policy"

I am REALLY MAD at Kingman Regional Medical Center. I called them yesterday because I was going to see if they knew of any doctors that perform VBACs at their hospital and the lady I spoke with said they don't do them?!?! I was like, I heard you did them (I talked to someone in that same maternity ward 2 months ago). She said, we just changed our policy. But Flagstaff, Vegas, and Phoenix have some hospitals that do. She was ready to get off the phone and I said that people down here said that you guys did them. She said we used to, but we changed our policy. (GRRR!) She then said that only hospitals with 24/7 access to operating rooms can perform VBACs--as if a VBAC is a big ordeal like surgery or something. I was livid and didn't want to get emotional so I just said ok, thankyou Bye.

Ok... now tell me how any of this makes sense: Only hospitals that have 24/7 access to an OR can do VBACs?!?! So you are telling me that if I had been at your hospital when I was in labor with Abby I couldn't have gotten the emergency csection I needed because you don't have an OR available?!?! If you don't have an OR available for someone trying for a VBAC (who will most likely NOT NEED THE OR) then you are telling me that you aren't equipped to do emergency csections. RIGHT?! Doesn't that only make sense?! This is a bunch of bull. They just don't want to deal with any law suits if someone looses their baby or if they have a uterine rupture.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE... did they not know that if you are having a VBAC that it can be done really safely?! I mean, come on! You already know that something COULD happen so they monitor you and can watch for that so if something happens they can fix it. Well, don't they know that NO MATTER WHAT something could happen to anyone?! And they aren't constantly monitoring people who have never had a csection. Anyone can have a uterine rupture, placental abruption, the list goes on... so why, when they are more than ready for things to happen is it any more dangerous than something suddenly happening to someone and they aren't expecting it?! I just don't get it.

Anyways, I hate the health care system, health insurance and stupid people who are sue happy who ruin things for other people. For now there is nothing I can do about it--I'm not even pregnant. But, if we are still here when I am pregnant again you better believe I will do something about it. They can't make me sign the consent forms for a csection and by law a hospital has to treat any woman in active labor. SO HA!

Tony had the idea that we could just this: If they want to FORCE me to have a csection and get all of their money that they want (because they make big bucks slicing women open) we only give them the money it would have cost to have a normal birth. That's all they would have normally made. We DON'T WANT the csection. But because you can make a better buck doing a repeat csection and you know I would be in and out of there in 20 minutes, you rather not hassle with giving me what I want. Jerks...

Friday, May 15, 2009

ATTACK!

Really, that's how I feel. Last night we went to a church activity and I literally got attacked by mosquitoes! I don't know how Abby is ok, but I have about 50 bites on my face, back, arms, legs and feet! Seriously, I think it is 48 total. It is ridiculous! I didn't think we had mosquitoes here?! I'm glad it was me with all the bites and not Abby though. Just thought I would whine. :)

And yes, I had bug spray on! GRRRR!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam!

Well, for the sunbeam's teacher! For those of you that have no clue what I'm talking about that means that I'm teaching the 3 and 4 year olds at church. Yay for me :)

Dork in the Mirror

I thought this was funny... maybe I was just really tired though... lol

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Get Out of My Head!

No matter what I do, where I go, anything... I can't get these kids songs out of my head! :) All day I am singing to Abby. It's some weird habit that I have started. Even when I am talking to her sometimes I turn it into a song. Lately I have had a few specific songs COMPLETELY stuck in my mind. They are those all-too-catchy songs that start to haunt you after a while like:

Hinges: a classic Primary song that turned into Abby's comfort song for some ODD reason?! Ever since she was little. If she starts getting upset, especially when I am driving, I start singing that song and she--about 98% of the time will stop crying and just listen! WEIRDO!

Playmate: It WAS a new favorite of mine because I heard someone sing that song to Abby and just HAD to know what it was (it is SO catchy and cute!) Well, I found the words and Abby likes it... a lot... so after about the 30 millionth time of singing it, it isn't my favorite anymore. It's just stuck in my head...

Down by the bay: My mom got me and Abby some kid cd's for us to listen to. Which I am VERY grateful for. Abby smiles and giggles when she hears them. Lately I can sing Abby to sleep with this song!?! Last night I sang through it enough to mention a lot of animals doing weird things to Grannies shakin' their fannies...down by the bay!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Through The Eyes of a Mom

Things I've learned from being one:

-Nothing is more important than taking care of your kid; the world can wait.

-Sometimes they just need Mommy and that makes it all better--enjoy it while it lasts.

-There isn't a wrong or right way to parent; just do it your way.

-If you've never had a kid before don't act like you know everything about having them.

-Your "mommy instinct" is what you should listen to over anything else.

-You will break "the rules"--Abby is a tummy sleeper :-O

-If your baby is happy, you are doing ok.

-Never compare your kid with anyone else; they do things when they want to and all wind up at the same level eventually.

-Your life completely changes once you have a baby, whether you like it or not.

-You will wonder what your purpose was in life before you had a baby.

-Your kid will be the cutest kid out there

-You WILL want to spoil them

-You will learn to let certain things go

-I guarantee you won't do everything you said you would do "when you have a baby"

-You learn to wear drool, spit up, snot and baby food very well.

-You learn to plan your day around their feedings and naps...

-Toys with sound and lights distract them for longer

-Your ideal "you" time consists of sleeping, showering and eating a hot meal

-You actually worry about what the world is like



And I just had to share this because I love it and it's SO true. A friend sent me this in an email--10 Things No One Tells You About Parenthood. I'll just share number 8 because I love it! :)

"8) You won’t be the parent you think
We all had visions of the kind of parents we would be to our kids. Now, as battle tested Moms and Dads, we’ve heard the prospective parents spouting off advice. Those hollow words of wisdom come even though they’ve never gotten up at three a.m. to do a load of laundry with more vomit on it than a frat house floor. Nor have they tried to cook dinner with a screaming baby in their arms, a toddler doing cartwheels off the couch, and the phone ringing. It usually goes something like this: “I’d never let my kids watch TV before they turn three,” or “I would never raise my voice at my child,” or “My toddler won’t ever eat sweets.” Uh huh, and I said I’d never own a minivan. You have this great picture of the kind of parent you want to be, and how picturesque your family will become. You try to live up to that vision, but you also have to survive. So, snickering at a prospective parent spouting off advice is not only allowed, but encouraged."

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

CAM

April is Cesarean Awareness Month (CAM). Most of you know that I had to have a C section with Abby. I went into labor on my own and got admitted to the hospital at about 5 cm dilated. Everyone thought things would go very smoothly. The nurses told me to go ahead and get the Epi since I was already 5 cm and planned on getting it. I think this was mistake number 1, but oh well. I know for next time. Here is the story from that point on:

After I got me Epi my blood pressure dropped and I almost lost consciousness. They gave me some meds and brought me back. Sometime after that I got my water broken and pitocin because my labor randomly stopped... Abby's heart rate began to climb--into the 190's. They couldn't figure out if it was the meds they had to give me or if it was the pitocin. The stopped the pitocin, but Abby's hr didn't change. The gave me 30 minutes to be ready to push or else they would give me a c section. Looking back, I had no hope, my labor had stopped. They came back in and I hadn't made any changes. The doc mentioned C section and went to get the consent forms. I tried to keep it together because Tony wasn't there and I don't like to cry in front of people anyways (Tony had gone for some much needed food because at first we didn't think anything was going wrong). I had my mind set on my ideal birth--Having a natural (vaginal) birth, Tony cutting the cord, the baby being placed on my belly, getting a first family photo and then getting to breastfeed her. *sigh*

The doc came back with the forms and I just kind of signed them. He may have said something to me, but I didn't hear him. I was petrified and triyng to hold it together. I absolutely lost it though and started sobbing--for many reasons. I was not happy about surgery, terrified because Tony hadn't returned yet and didn't even know, upset that I wasn't going to have the birth I wanted and disappointed I had to have a c section--which I did NOT want.

Tony finally came back in after what seemed like forever and was alarmed to see me sobbing and got some scrubs thrown at him. I sobbed to the nurse about wanting a VBAC already and how many c sections am I allowed. She said I would be fine and I tried to be happy I was going to see my little girl very soon. So I said, "At least I won't poop on the table". The nurse laughed.

I was wheeled down the hall, blubbering, and Tony was calming me saying I had done my best, but our little girl was in danger. They made Tony stay outside of the OR for the first bit and I freaked of course. But it was a mad house when I got in there. People waiting for Abby, people to perform the surgery, nurses, pain med doc, you name it. A nurse came over and tried to find Abby's heart rate with that little tummy doppler thing and she couldn't find a hb. I became a little freaked then. She said that the heart rate must be too high for the monitor to pick up. So I knew it was serious. My little girl either had no heart beat or it was going incredibly too fast. The pain med doc then came over and was the sweetest older man. He whispered everything calmly to me and that was a comfort in the chaos that was going on around me. He whispered that he was giving me the new meds so that I wouldn't feel a thing. It worked quickly and the numbness creeped up my body. I guess I started breathing fast, unknowingly, and he whispered that it may begin to feel like I'm not breathing, but that I am breathing fine and not to worry. So naturally, I worried and felt like I wasn't breathing. He calmed me down and I began to ignore that when he asked if I could feel anything. Feel what? The pain med doc told me that the doctor was pinching me very hard. I couldn't feel anything, let alone MOVE. I was pretty much paralyzed from my neck down. So then I heard the doctor say they were beginning to cut. WAIT! Tony isn't in here! So I begin to freak out again and demand they let Tony in. I needed him. They didn't respond to me, but a nurse came over and kindly told me that they would get him.

Tony came in and tried to calm me down. I was a huge mess. They said that I would begin to feel a lot of pressure, but I was fine. Talk about A LOT of pressure. I felt it all the way up to my throat. It felt like the doctors climbed inside of me and were stretching out across my whole body (on the inside). It wasn't exactly painful, but it definitely was NOT comfortable. They said her head was out, but I didn't hear her cry. I began to get scared. Then a few seconds later I hear this mucusy cry that I will never forget. She was out, they announced it was a girl and that was it! Was she ok? I could only assume so because she was crying?! But then--I COULDN'T SWALLOW! I felt like I was choking and I couldn't breathe. I flipped out and a nurse came to help me. She said this was a normal reaction (ok... none of what was happening to me was normal!) and that I would be ok. She got a washcloth for me to spit in. So, when my mouth became full of spit (because I couldn't swallow), the nurse would bring over the washcloth and I would spit on it. How lovely. I demanded that Tony go see our baby girl and take pictures. As soon as they let him, he went. He was gone FOREVER (or so it felt) and here I was spitting into a rag and trying my hardest to swallow. I tried so hard, but couldn't, but then it didn't matter. Tony brought the camera over and I saw my baby girl, for the first time... on a camera. Of course she was cute, but had the swollen newborn look. I wanted to touch her I wanted to see all of her little body parts, but I was stuck frozen to this bed looking at a camera while spitting on a rag!

Finally Tony got to bring her over. She was perfectly healthy and fine once she was out. I got to kiss her, but couldn't touch her because I couldn't move. A nurse took our first family photo because it was something I wanted. They put her foot prints in her baby book and we probably took about 100 pictures right there. So, it was over, I had my little girl now. She and Tony went to the nursery. We hadn't named her yet, but I was pretty sure she was an Abby. I knew when I saw her that she definitely wasn't a Lily. So now I was alone in the OR again spitting in a rag. They sewed me up while having a lovely conversation amongst themselves and I was laying there choking on my own spit. FINALLY I was able to swallow and my world brightened up! I announced it proudly to the whole OR and a few of them said "good". I was really sleepy after that and the ride from the OR to the recovery place is kinda blurry. I remember she told me to hold my belly a few times over some bumps. I didn't feel sore though.

Here is our first family photo...
From Abigail Hi'ilani Aina


I recovered for a while and was able to move my arms and feel stuff in my legs. Tony came to see me and show me more pictures of our daughter. I was totally jealous of him, but at least she wasn't alone. I made him leave so he wouldn't miss her 1st bath. I was rolled into my room sometime after that and got to hold Abby when Tony brought her in the room. I don't really remember details though. It is all blurry. A nurse came in and helped me try to breastfeed Abby (finally), but that is all a big blur too.

The first night I was so drugged up Abby slept in the nursery and I didn't put up a fight. After that though I wouldn't let her out of my sight. I became protective of her. I couldn't let her cry, I would cry when they had to take her to the nursery for her daily check and I was still so disappointed I had to have a c section. I didn't want it. I never wanted it.

I recovered well from the c section, but had to lay propped up for a long time. I was never uncomfortable breastfeeding her though and she ate like a pro. The nurses joked about how well she was breastfeeding. I had that. I was able to breastfeed. That was the 1 thing that went my way. So I wasn't going to give that up. It was very painful for a while, but I fought through it because it was my 1 thing. The 1 thing I got that I controlled and it was working.

I had the baby blues or you may even say post partum depression for about 2 weeks after. I never resented Abby though. I was very overwhelmed and I didn't know why I ever wanted a baby. I loved Abby and felt bonded to her, I just felt like I couldn't do it. I couldn't take care of her, I couldn't do anything right. Then after I cried to Tony about feeling like that I would cry even harder apologizing to Abby and telling her I loved her and I didn't really mean those things. It was a very rough 2 weeks. I was feeling better after that and was having fun being a mom. I'm glad I was able to pull it together on my own, but it was tough.

That's about it. Almost 7 months later I am LOVING being a mom, but my birth story still haunts me. I regret going to the hospital that night. I wished I had waited for the Epi and I wished I had gone home once my labor stopped. But, you can't go back in time and you just have to get over things sometimes. I'm working on it. I know people reading this are probably thinking "but you have a healthy baby, that is all that matters" I KNOW, but you probably had a vaginal birth. If you have never gone through a very UNWATED c section that was pretty traumatic, then you really can't tell me how I should feel. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but it was really hard on me and I didn't want that to happen to me. I probably would have been fine if I didn't get any medication. I NEVER thought of not getting the Epi, but when I got for number 2 I think I will be thinking about going med free. I don't want to, but I don't want to have another c section even more.

So here starts my journey: having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I've had a couple friends who have had successful VBACs and it helps motivate me more. I just have to find a doctor who will support me. It's much easier for a doctor to go ahead and plan that c section. Write it on their little calendar for their convenience, but what about me?! I want the experience of having a baby the way I want to. Everything doesn't have to be perfect, I just want one the "normal" way. I've already started looking at options. Lake Havasu City is a pretty small area. I've called the 3 area hospitals and 2 of the 3 won't support VBACs. So if I have one we will have to drive the hour up to Kingman. Kingman said they will let me have a VBAC if I can find a doctor who is willing to do it. This will probably be even harder to find, but I am determined. This is important to me.

I've been looking for midwives, but they are hard to find here. Vegas and Phoenix have a ton, but they are 2 and 3 hours away. They also have more hospitals that support VBACs. So anyways, I know other people have had it worse than me. They have been pretty much forced into having a c section for no real reason. I know there was a reason I needed one and yes, I do have a happy and healthy baby. But I just want to have that experience too. I KNOW it hurts, I KNOW it's not fun or anything, but how many of you guys that have had a natural (vaginal) birth can say that you liked the experience. You got to see your baby right away, hold them, touch them, feed them. I got to see a blue curtain. I guess the reason I feel so strongly about this is that so many people get c sections that aren't necessary. And then we are forced to have a second one because the doctor is afraid of lawsuits. I don't want to be forced into surgery. I don't want that recovery! I want to find someone to support me in my decision to have a VBAC and it is going to be hard. Nobody wants to support that. It is too "dangerous" Blah, blah blah. Surgery is dangerous too and it weakens your uterus each time they slice you open. So there. That's how I feel, that's what happened to me and now you know what I'm going to try to do. Call me crazy, but it is important to me.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Note to Self



NEVER wear a navy blue shirt and khaki pants to Walmart...

I officially have NO life

So I decided to make a second blog (see title) that will just be about me or just dorky things I want to write about and share. I'm sure my other one will be more fun, seeing as it will have all the Abby pictures on it still! ;) Oh well, this is just a place for me to ramble about... ME and whatever else I want to! :)